Enter: Alistair Cookie

As a youth, I was a big fan of Sesame Street and the Muppet Show. Of course I was. When I was around ten years old it was normal for kids my age to watch and enjoy those shows. Naturally, kids would be drawn to different characters and we would argue over our personal favorites. But I had a particular interest in the monsters that were featured on these shows. I enjoyed that the characters who were monsters had a tendency to “go monster” from time to time. The same case could be made for the characters that were animals (think “Animal” from the Muppet Show), aliens, and weirdos.

I think that what caught my attention and imagination most was that being a monster as performed on the shows meant being deviant or “bad” sometimes (and not necessarily at other times). Sometimes being a monster translated into being uncivilized or giving into “primal” or base urges. Such behaviors weren’t condemned but they did serve the purpose of reminding the other characters and viewers that they were monsters (and that’s what monsters do). There was a certain element of chaos and recklessness that for instance, Cookie Monster, could deliver but other intriguing characters like Ernie or Fozzy Bear could not.

My absolute favorite skit was the “Monsterpiece Theatre” bit from Sesame Street. The Muppet Show may have offered more nuanced themes and matured humor, but for some reason the “Monsterpiece” sketch resonated with me the most. For those unfamiliar or in need of being refreshed, Monsterpiece Theatre was a parody of the popular 70’s – 80’s program “Masterpiece Theatre”. The PBS show was well noted for its refined English host (Alistair Cooke) would introduce segments of an ongoing miniseries filled with drama and mystery. On Monsterpiece Theatre, Cookie Monster played a monster playing the part of a refined host (Alistair Cookie) of a television show, but prone to outbursts and erratic behaviors.

So, I would just fall out every time I caught the show. Here’s this monster in a silk robe and ascot, seated in a high-back chair, and smoking a pipe while talking broken English, slowly. I loved every minute of it. In fact, I probably love it even more now. In a certain light I relate to that character. Yeah, I said it. I relate to an imaginary, puppet-monster character mocking the performance of an aristocratic English gentleman. How is that so different from what I do now? I’m an invisible man who code-switches so as to not only be acknowledged, but embraced by a community that thrives on its ability to keep others like me (and sometimes me specifically) invisible...or at very least, a puppet. In some ways, the monster in gentleman’s clothing is how I see myself. To take the relation a step farther, the opposite is probably equally as true, I can also be a gentleman in monster’s clothing. That is surely an entirely separate entry however (tie a knot around that point and we’ll come back to it at a later date).

Since I was a youth I would watch personalities like Alistair Cooke (not Cookie), teachers, politicians, etc., and be amazed at how well they performed their identities. I would wonder if one could always stay in the moral, upright, dignified character. I would wonder who they were when they were “off the record”. I couldn’t believe that Alistair Cooke could be the Masterpiece Theatre guy at home and behind closed doors. What a bore he and others with similar performances must be if those characters were their totality (kill yourself Alistair Cooke...not "Cookie").

I am Alistair Cookie. I live in a small library and smoke a pipe. I am a cookie-eating monster posing as a refined gentleman with an innocent milk mustache. I am a man predisposed to erratic, monster-like behaviors. I am sure that the ‘Masterpiece’ host was too. It’s just that at some point I decided to own up to the fuzzy, wide-eyed monster hiding under the silky robe. 2011 is the year of the monster within. Reporting live from inside a couple single malt highballs, somewhere deep in a thick fog of pipe smoke, planning your untimely demise.